Variations on a Balcony Scene
by Genevieve Thibeault
Summary: What happened the night Niles asked Daphne to give her back the gift he bought for Mel.


"Variations On A Balcony Scene"

By Genevieve Thibeault

You stood there in front of me, your deep blue eyes staring into my soul, and for the first time in all the time we've known each other I really saw you. And all you had to do was put your jacket on my shivering shoulders. I wasn't prepared for that. With that simple gesture you blew up my entire world. I wouldn't be in that position if I never knew that you've been in love with me. And I'd give anything not to know about it. This way, I could go on, and be Mrs. Donny Douglas, and my life would be so simple. I wouldn't be there, with you, standing on this balcony, waiting for your confession. I could still play innocent Daphne, the one who thought that the way you smelled her hair was so cute. When I didn't know.

Since I know I spend my time wondering why you never told me. And why I had to find out now. I'm not saying that I would have ran into your arms and tell you that I loved you too, but at least I could have considered the possibility. Now I just can't. I'm not even supposed to have second thoughts about my marriage but thanks to you I don't know what to do anymore. Donny loves me, I know it, and I always thought I loved him too. So why am I standing in front of you, hoping that you would tell me? To tell you I don't love you? I don't even know if I could do it. Because you always cared for me, because you put that jacket on my shoulders, because you look at me like no man has never look at me before. That same look I couldn't even describe, and which made me feel like I was special to you. Is that an understatement!

You know what the worst part of it all is? When I look at Donny now, I can't say if I still love him or not. The only man who was ever willing to try to catch the stars and give them to me. Can you do it Niles? Can you catch the stars? Could you be the man of my dreams? I don't even know you anymore! Why can't I be angry at you? Why? Why can't you be more like Frasier? I wouldn't be here asking me questions if you were Frasier. The decision would be so easy to take. Frasier is so full of himself, thinking he is God's given gift. But you...You're so innocent, so naive, so boyish, so...beautiful! The bluest of eyes, your delicate features, your well-defined body, the greatness of your soul, you as a whole! Niles...

And now what am I supposed to do about it? Did you break up with Mel because of me? Because in your mind, in your heart, in your soul, you still hope that I will fall in love with you? Even if you know I'm engaged? Do you really think that I will dump Donny just because I've learned that you love me? When you didn't even have the courage to tell me? And I never thought you'd do it. Until tonight. Until I heard Frasier say that this mess had to be cleared out. Why did I have to know?

You asked me to come on the balcony. What was I supposed to do? Just run away from you? I just couldn't. Not when you look at me like that. Not when you give me that look where I can see your 12 years-old side. The boy behind the snobbish man. See, before tonight I couldn't even put words on the way you look at me!

I knew exactly what to do. I rehearsed it since I've learned about the way you feel about me. I was going to let you down gently. I was going to tell you I loved Donny and that nothing would ever happen between us. But what I was going to say became a blur. Because you put your jacket on my shoulders and that it smelled so good. Because when I turned around you were looking at me. Because you have to be you. So different of Donny. Because we were together, alone, on this balcony, and that I forgot everything about Donny. Because for the first time I thought about you and me in a 'we' way. Because I was so caught in the moment that my little speech wouldn't come out of my mouth. Because all I could say was "yes". Because I would have given everything up for you at that time. Without even thinking. Just because you were you and you're the only man who makes me feel that way. Because you were Niles, and not Dr. Crane. Because I was falling in the sea of your eyes. Because.

Just say it, Niles. Please say it...

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You stood there in front of me, your deep brown eyes staring into my soul, and for the last time in all the time we've known each other I let my heart skip a beat. And all you had to do was shiver. So I put my jacket on your shoulders. I looked at the silkiness of your skin, and my heart stopped for a moment. I even came this close to put my hands on your shoulders. You are divine, and you don't even know it. The sadest part is that you'll never know. I wasn't prepared for that. With that simple gesture you blew up my entire world. I wouldn't be in that position if I had been born bolder. And I'd give anything not to be that way. This way, I could be with you, you'd become Mrs. Niles Crane, and my life would be so simple. I wouldn't be there, with you, standing on this balcony, asking you back a gift that I bought for another woman. I could still play cured Niles, the one who was this close to convince himself that he was over you. When I was a fake.

Since you and Donny got engaged I spend my time wondering why I never told you. What were my arguments again? I never thought that you would have ran into my arms and tell me that you loved me, but at least I would have given it a shot. Now I just can't. I'm not even supposed to think about you anymore. I don't know what to do. Mel loves me, I know it, and I always thought that I loved her too. So why am I standing in front of you, wishing that I could tell you? To tell you to dump Donny for me? I don't even know if I could do it. Because I always cared for you, because I don't want to be pitied anymore, because I have no right to do so. No right to sabotage something that will make you happy, even if it comes at my own expanse. Pretty noble, but it's killing me inside.

You know what the worst part of it all is? When I think about Mel now, I can't even say if I'm happy we made up or not. The only woman who ever put on real interest in me. Can you do it Daphne? Can you find some interest in me? Can Mel take the place of you? I don't even know anymore! Why can't I forget about you? Why? Why can't you be more like Maris? I wouldn't be here torturing myself if you were Maris. Letting you go would be so easy to do. Maris is cold and careless, thinking she could treat me like I'm less than nothing. But you...You're so innocent, so naive, so beautiful, so...everything! Your hazelnut eyes, your perfect face, your goddess body, the greatness of your soul, you as a whole! Daphne...

And now what am I supposed to do? Would you break up with Donny because I asked you to? Because in your mind, in your heart, in your soul you could find a little place for me? Even if I tore your world apart? Do you really think that Donny is right for you, that he'd actually catch the stars in the sky to give them to you? When your visions are about another man? I always thought that I would have all the time in the world to tell you, and that you and Donny weren't a serious relationship. Until that night. Until I've heard Donny say everything I wanted to say to you for the past 6 years. Why did I have to be there?

I asked you to come on the balcony. What was I supposed to do? Ask for my gift back in front of everybody? I just couldn't. Not when you look at me like that. Not when you give me that look where I can see your fragile side. The woman of my dreams behind the friend. See, before tonight I had blocked your Venus image in my head for what I intended to be a lifetime.

I knew exactly what to do. I rehearsed it a little before asking you on the balcony. I was going to ask you the gift back straight forward. I was going to tell you that it was for Mel and avoid to spend too much time with you alone. But you wanted to go first. When I saw you shiver, I put my jacket on your satin shoulders. And then my heart skipped a beat. Because when you turned around I wanted to kiss your coldness away with the flame that inhabits me for so long, your flame. Because you have to be you. So different of Mel. Because we were together, alone, on this balcony, and that I forgot everything about Mel. Because for the last time I thought about you and me in a 'we' way. Because I was so caught in the moment that my little speech wouldn't come out of my mouth. Because all I could hear you say was "yes". Because I would have given everything up for you for the rest of my life. Without even thinking. Just because you are you and you're the only woman who ever made me feel that way. Because you are Daphne Moon, and not Mrs. Donny Douglas. Because I love you so much. Because.

How I wish I could say it, Daphne. How I wish it wasn't too late...

The End


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